Cut those cords

Its saddening to hear about suicides over failed relationships. I don’t wish to be insensitive or generalize. And in many cases it is probably not even that extreme a step but people end up feeling really low. There are other casualties in the form of low self-esteem, neglecting and alienating or alienation from other close people, loss of drive and ambition, onset of depression, loss of looks, health, mental peace etc. Therefore I thought about writing this post. Cause no one else knows your situation, your struggles and no one else is going to knock sense into you other than yourself. No matter how close you get to a person, maybe it’s the perfect partner and you visualize to be together for 7 lifetimes, step back and remove those rose tinted shades and put on your practical glasses. We often waste years and years trapped in toxic relations without realizing it! We are smart enough to know they hurt us, yet with a overly optimistic attitude and a quickly forgiving and forgetful heart, we keep going back to the source of pain. One feels that this person is otherwise great but except for these few “issues.” If these issues are taken care of this is the most perfect person for me. Either accept those issues, or try changing them if need be. But don’t go over and over about the same issues without resolving them. No matter how special a partner or even a close friend is, always beware where you are being psychologically abused. Scathing remarks made in “good humor” or is it their masked jealousy/ frustration showing up. Humor is possible without pulling another person down too. Don’t take emotional abuse from your partner. Don’t purposely/ unconsciously emotionally abuse them either. Always be very alert of this fact, a line that easily gets blurred in close relations, we give that much of our power away to the other person. The virtue that keeps it in check is respect. Respect for the other person so as to not play them and respect for the self so as to not allow to get played. Remember, you don’t have to take shit from anybody. ANYBODY. Surprise, surprise - You are free! All you need is the courage to walk away from what you are so deeply attached but inreality doesn't serve you, Its like the one time pain of vaccination where you might cry from the pain but eventually you are brought back to better health. 

Another red flag is if you are changing too much of yourself for the other person, so that nothing original about you is left. Also, realize your value. The moment you feel the person doesn’t seem to value you as much as you feel you deserve, be it in terms of their attention and time (I mean that’s what you need in a relation, you don’t charge them to spend time, you do because you want to, not have to!) back out immediately. Here people try and win the other’s affection. Maybe if I change this about myself I will be more in demand? Nope. Also all this is pretty superficial. If a relation is bringing more anxiety than security, more misery than joy it is time to get real. You survived (probably were happier!) even before they were in your life. You will do well even without them in it. You are here to experience your best life possible, with or without anybody. Its your own personal journey and you owe it to yourself to become the best version of yourself possible. If a relation is only bringing out your worst you are then doing wrong by yourself. That is not why you were created. Tears and sorrow are not the way to go, it’s the indication to cut away the relation that has served its purpose to either teach you a valuable lesson in life or open up a new perspective for you. Invest in yourself first so that you have much to offer. Have so much of love in you that it overflows, and not go asking others to shower a piece of their attention or love. Live a full life. No one completes anybody, you can just share your completeness with someone else. Maybe the other person is not a typical villain or a bad person. Maybe what they do is also not on purpose to hurt you. But in the end if its taking a toll on your wellbeing, your journey in life, its about time to bless the other person so that they may find their light but to ultimately cut the cord and move on with your life. There is so much life has to offer – places to explore, people to meet, food to eat, memories to make, goals to be achieved. Don’t let another person, who are on their own journey in life of corrections and lessons, a work in progress just like you, dictate how you will live your life. You write your own script. And while you are at it make it a kickass, fantastic, inspiring one!

-          S. Chaudhary.

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