Love. And Relationship.

Love knows no boundaries. Also, you cannot choose who you fall in love with. It could be the most “wrong” person but the heart feels what it feels. Also I can have so much love in my heart for Christopher Nolan or Shahrukh Khan and they don’t even know about my existence. Love can be one way. Love is not stupid but yes it “chooses” to be blind. Blind to the imperfections and flaws in the object of your affection. For that reason love can be convenient as in seeing only and focussing on the good and choosing to ignore the bad. Love is a feeling that is created inside of you and you may choose to express it or for some reason maybe even not (staying single.)

Relationship however is a different ball game altogether. In a relationship, you are “consciously choosing” the other person to share, express, explore and please. You are offering your precious time as well as taking up theirs. You are choosing to be involved, unlike love where it can all be purely mental and therefore twisted, distorted into a fantasyland. Relationship is real. You are here and they are here. You are acting upon your connection. You can love someone silently and they may never know, not to mention the fact that you love someone selfishly, for you and not for them! Because loving someone allows you to experience the beautiful feelings generated because of love inside you first and foremost! But relationship is like an invisible contract, an agreement of sorts. When you are choosing to enter into one first and foremost make sure what do you want? Don’t just involve somebody when they are also as clueless as you and don’t invest emotionally too quickly or for long unless you have figured yourself out first. For example, you may be highly expressive – lots of “I Love You,” cuddles, pda, everything. Whereas the person you love could be quite the opposite (they do say opposites attract!) It doesn’t mean they are wrong for being unexpressive or that you are wrong or needy. But know yourself. And since the very beginning, when you see this discrepancy be honest with yourself. Will I be able to adjust to his unexpressive ways not just for another month but a lifetime? (I am assuming you mate for life because relationships are no games or time pass but a real long term investment.) Even if you have asked them to change and they may put in the effort, since the first date you get an idea of who the person fundamentally is and you don’t want to change the person in a totally different person and customize as per your every whim and desire. Know yourself what you are asking for is reasonable or not. But also be honest about it because you may hide your needs in the initial honeymoon phase because everything is going so great so why ruin the moment but sooner or later, you will feel you are stifling who you truly are and it may then come out in a very unpleasant, needy or critical outburst. And let your partner know what you need! Just because you are in love don’t expect him to read your every thought. You owe it to yourself and your partner to be honest. Very early on you may see the red flags and that is when you take the call how long and how deep you wish to get invested because the longer you stay the harder it will be to break off, if it unfortunately comes to that. You can love somebody all day, every day and even from afar. But a relationship is a commitment, a promise to another human being that you must have the integrity to enter into (wisely and consciously) and to uphold. Before getting in a relationship, know yourself, your needs and there is nothing wrong about being who you are. You do YOU, don’t change to please somebody else if it doesn’t reasonate with who you truly are. It may not exactly match with the person you love. But then atleast you know is it worth working on and adjusting. Relationships are and should be entered into to make the other person feel great about themselves because you see something special in them that even they don’t. Because you want to add value and meaning to their as well as your life. And when you know yourself, you will know whether the sacrifices are worth it and it won’t feel as sacrifices if they are done willingly.

-S. Chaudhary.