To my future daughter

Its International Women's Day. It got me thinking that if someday way into the future, i decide to have a child and i am blessed with a baby girl, this is what i will tell my daughter.
I Love you, forever and for always, regardless (I already know that now, dormant maternal instincts perhaps.) You are beautiful. What is beautiful? Beauty is skin deep. Dont let the world tell you and shape your body image. Dont let the opinions of others govern your inner voice. Listen to everybody but decide for yourself. Find what makes you happy. Dont let them ever tell you that you are weak. You are so much stronger than you know. Both internally and externally.  Dont let them tell you that you cannot earn as much as men. You can be a businesswoman, a billionaire even, all by yourself. You can do everything that men can do. But respect men. Just because of a few ignorant men dont have a blanket policy for the whole gender. Respect them as your equal, neither superior nor inferior. Dont let them decide what is right or wrong for you. Trust your inner voice, that comes from the highest place of your conscience, the voice of reason. I want you to live your life with your head held high, certainty in your step and authority in your gentle voice, regardless of what they try to tell you.

Now just because i happened to be the medium that brought you into this world doesnt give me the right to tell you how to live your life. Once the umbilical cord is cut, you are a different person with your own set of values, dreams and desires and i need to respect that. My job is to be a constant guiding force, always there to explain if you dont understand the complexities of life, to hug and most importantly communicate with you every single day. I dont expect you to be my carbon copy (though it would be pleasant to catch a glimpse of my refection in the way you smile or if  you have eyes just like me!) I want you to be your own person. I will never impose my strong and dearly held spiritual and religious and political beliefs on you, i will never judge your sexuality, how you express it or even your orientation for that matter (my only concerns being your proper education in this regard, your health and protecting your heart.) I may be an extrovert but its okay if you turn out to be an introvert. I love music, singing and dancing and i will be perfectly fine if you have two left feet and would rather pursue a career in engineering if thats what you like. I want you to be my best friend and to earn that i will do my part, my very best. If you decide to go on a diet i will join you, i will jog with you early morning till you reach your goal. I will never ask you to do something, i wouldnt. If i expect discipline i will first practise it myself. And if you find it hard will assist you gently any which way i can. I will never raise my voice or my hand. I will celebrate whether you come first in class or last. If last, it will be our challenge and adventure to get you to the top. I want your natural innate personality, gifts and attributes to rise to the surface and shine and dazzle the world, my role being solely to assist you get there. As a parent my only job is to love you and to remind you every day what a joy it is to have you in my life and to be able to live and experience it with you. Everyday is an adventure, a celebration! (I dont believe in the concept of a strict disciplinarian. "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is a redundant and absolutely wrong saying, should be immediately discarded. Every person has an inner voice of reason, if you appeal to that and explain it articulately it sticks, especially on the extremely perceptive and impressionable children that people ironically find hardest to reason with!) I just know, in my quest to give an innocent, brand new life a proper direction, to open up the doors of possibilities, to observe and gently guide and teach, eventually to make it all happen i will end up becoming a way better person myself. And for that opportunity i must and will thank you.

- S. Chaudhary

Happy Women's Era

What is Equality? How can it truly be achieved and experienced? Before we explore these questions i want to talk about a few concepts. Personally i feel, dont put any woman on a pedestal. Actually dont put any human on a pedestal cause then automatically that entails a set of rules they are "supposed to" abide by to live up to that highly idealistic and irrational ideal. For example when you say a woman is like a Goddess or a man is fit in a role of "pati Parmeshwar" (husband is like God), immediately they are expected to behave, dress, talk and live in a certain way to fit into that mould, failure of which immediately tosses them to the other extreme end of the continuum of whore and for men jerk. Now if i may explain logically/spiritually, being a human every moment is a challenge to stick to the "right" path and most of the times we succeed but even when inaction is a kind of action which will have consequences, where does then one draw the line between wrong and right? Dont step on others toes. Consent. Choice. No violence. Nature made men and women equal and humans and man-made rules are not above that natural law. Pretty basic stuff. Everything begins in the mind. In your mind you must be able to firstly correctly understand and therefore naturally view women as equals in every which way. Lets begin with nutrition or sharing household duties. In many households still, especially the poor ones, young boys are given priority over young girls when it comes to food. Women on the contrary need more nutrition compared to men because they approach adolescence quicker than men. Also every month they lose a lot of "good" blood, saved in the uterus for nurturing the embryo but released in the absence of foetus every month. That is why so many women suffer from anaemia and other deficiences. Feed her well! This is how nature made women and shouldnt become a tool for discrimination or saying that women are weak. Infact its our super power, creating an altogether another human being! Beat that! Also, cleaning, cooking, washing is not solely a womans domain/responsibility. It shouldnt be "naturally" expected of her. Prospective inlaws still ask," Ghar ka kaam theek se kar leti hai? Rasoi sambhal payegi?" Decide you have come to hire a housekeeper or seeking a wife? An equal partner. Coming back to the previous point of stereotyping men and women in gender specific roles. What if a woman doesnt have a natural inclination to get married and have children, go the "conventional" way? Why is it expected of her? If she wants to remain dedicated and "married" to her career then Why cant she just be? conversely if a woman doesnt have a natural ambition to climb the corporate ladder and is content in being a housewife, why is even that looked down upon? I am "just" a housewife or my Mom is "just" a housewife, i have seen people's voice trailing off as if they are almost ashamed of it. Hello, choosing to spend your life to maintain order in a house, day in day out, without payment or a break is a huge achievement! You are choosing to become a stable foundation for the rest of the family members to bounce off from and chase their dreams and ambitions without having the added responsibility of humungous, tiring chores as well. The family should be bloody grateful and proud of it. If a woman does a job as efficiently as any other guy, what is the reason for discrimination in her pay? Simple. Equality in pay and in recruitment itself should become a basic rule. Education must be made compulsory. When you are educated you can earn and will not have to depend on another man. Also when you are yourself financially secure you will not marry a man for the wrong reasons. Freedom to choose what women want to wear and how they choose to represent their bodies, without feeling threatened or shame or guilt. No body shaming women for being "stick thin" or too fat. Those are rude and insensitive remarks. Stop statements in everyday parlance like, "sharam aurat ka gehna hai" thereby tying her in a role she is expected to live upto. A very damaging statement and immediately how women dress is scrutinised and everything is decided for them. If a woman wishes to pursue swimming or sports or just choose to dress as she wishes comes under the scanner, demoralising her. Men can dance shirtless in our movies but women's cleavage shall be blurred! Why should women be ashamed? There are no such claims/rules for men! Irresponsible statements like "you fight like a girl" should also be discarded. Dont make her ashamed of her gender or make her feel weak (remember the very strong, very capable fighter Mary Kom? Thats how you fight like a girl and be proud of it.) And then there are larger obvious issues of crimes against women like dowry harassment and death, female foeticide and infanticide, rape, eve teasing, molestation, sexual assault, domestic violence, subtle or direct indiscrimination. All of this begins with the though process and comes through in behavior. When your mind believes and accepts that its okay for women to be treated a particular way then so will be your conduct. If your mind believes you can get away with it and are above the law you will have courage to act upon your nefarious thoughts. How will this reformation of thought happen? When these ideas are taught and practised in every nook and cranny, every slum, every village, even every advanced supposedly "educated" strata of society. How do we contribute? The transition from being an armchair activist to causing real change will happen when you first practise this in your very homes. Teach it to every young boy and girl in your immediate/ distant family, your neighborhood, your domestic help, every ignorant soul that comes in your contact. Start small. Every step counts. If you have been making the above mistakes yourself  knowingly/unknowingly then stop. Also it is not just expected of men. Women also contribute to the thought process. If you yourself accept the stereotypes without questioning it and then bringing up your daughter and other ladies/men in your family then that will become the reality of your generations to come. Dont accept inequality. Dont practise it either. Our generation may still have to struggle for these concepts to become a way of life than mere words. Lets leave this world better, fair and equal for the coming generation atleast. Let it grow from a happy women's "day" to a "happy women's era", where every woman is happy. Simple.

- S. Chaudhary