Never take life for granted. Love while you still got the time

I just received the news of an aunt's untimely demise. I was not particularly close to her, we hardly interacted. Infact our perspectives in life were diammetrically opposite. But why is this news still bothering me then? Why do i still feel sadness in my heart? Because as soon as i received the news, the very first memories of her that started flooding my mind were not of how different we were as people but of her kindness and acts of grace that touched my heart. I didnt even know i had held onto these moments somewhere in the back of my mind, you dont ruminate on these things on a daily basis in fact probably not at all. Like the time when my family member was in the ICU and i was in the waiting room, eyes tightly shut n praying. When i opened my eyes she was sitting right in front of me smiling and she made a funny remark and did my mimicry about how i was praying at which we both laughed. A moment of laughter and respite in an otherwise tense environment. Or the time she cooked food for us and brought it at my house. I remember her presence in my life in my moment of darkness when the same family member had passed away. No large gestures. No big talker. Not a one on one personal interaction as such but just by being there. But these little little things, these are the very things i remember right now. I am sure i had thanked her profusely back then and now i will be there for her family the way she was there for us. Yet. There is still some regret. Maybe of not staying in touch enough. Maybe not talking enough. Maybe not loving enough. I dont know what it is but its making me restless. All i know is i am kind of emotional right now. And the lesson i take from this is to not take life for granted cause you never know when your time is up. Love while you still got the time.

- S. Chaudhary

Lessons before Birthday

As Socrates said : An un-examined life is not worth living. So what lessons have been learnt before the next personal solar year commences

(1) Kill Self Doubt. The biggest lesson for me. Have more confidence in my own convictions. Look within and not outside. Opinions are like, you know what. And everyones got one. So many useless voices around and even inside. Stick to your own honest, thoroughly thought-out and gut opinion, baaki sharafat gayi tel lene :) YOU know that you are coming from a benign honest place and thats all that truly matters.

(2) Less chatting/texting and More meeting. In short, also overcoming agoraphobia. 

(3) But meeting who? Cherry picking my very "exclusive" friendships and relations in general. Time is bloody precious and non-renewable. Dont "spend" rather "invest" in cultivating meaningful relations that bring out the best in me and dont pull me down and where in return even i get to contribute some "value" to another life is a time considered well spent!

(4) Express more. Like i read somewhere - Dont express your anger rather explain it and reach a solution instead of unintentionally keeping the drama alive. Confront instead of retreat (that i usually do out of politeness.) Say it out loud rather than harbor whats bothering you and move on yaar. Its either resolved or ended but atleast you will know and have clarity when the issue is put to rest once for all and you can concentrate on better things in life. Life is short.

(5) I know its that time of the year when i should bow my head, feel gratitude in my heart and am expected to be pleasant. I am really trying to but the truth is as spiritual and optimistic that i try to be honestly i am presently not in tune with these higher vibrations/ideals. I am (rightfully) angry about a few things and generally i have always been the first to mend fences/harmonize but this time surprisingly i am in full bitch mode. I really dont care, even if i try to. Not to purposely hurt others. But because thats what i am truly feeling. So more in touch with "reality" what you are really going through as against what should ideally be. Soon it shall come to pass but i am liking this new honest-with-self approach. Dont aspire to be a people pleaser, wont change what i am feeling/projecting just so that you "like" me. Nope.

(6) Less wastage of time. Try to make every waking minute productive. Energy leaks happen even when you are thinking about the past, what went wrong or too much about the future - what will be? Like the corny phrase - Past is history, Future is a mystery but "Present" is the Gift. Again associations that bring quality/ value to life is a good fresh start.

(7) How many second chances? Earlier policy- Infinite. Now - Just once, provided its an "honest mistake" and the erring party is sincerely willing to change. The ex's and O's may keep coming back but some people are best left in 2014 :) With best wishes of course! Thank God for that courage and clarity.

(8) More productive use of your gifts and talents. Hungrier than ever to learn, absorb, grow.

(9) Put your foot down more often. Those who are meant to stay will stay, rest who have nothing more left to teach you and whose role in your life is over will leave.

(10) I took pride in the fact that i am quite frank or moophat if it boils down to expressing my opinions. Now, however, even though ill keep it frank ill try and keep my words softer and kinder. I have realized words are extremely powerful. Use very very wisely, measured and carefully. They can obliterate a poor souls confidence or give them fresh energy and hope. Id rather choose to do the latter service with the gift of my words and power to express. More silence. More "listening" More connecting.

(11) Old ways of connecting with me just wont work anymore. Goodbye superficiality. I am at that point in life and maturity where i want deep, real and fulfilling connections. No Bullshit. More "Honesty." You try and bullshit me i'll smile but Not reply back. Simple.

(12) I want to laugh more. And make everyone around me laugh as well. I want more innocence in this world. I want to dance more. "Soak in" and really "feel" moments because life is but a series of "memorable" moments. In the end, the afternoons you spent surfing the net or watching television will not be the highlights of your life. What will come flooding back to your memory, create a flutter in your heart and bring an instant smile to your lips is an afternoon spent going bonkers with friends or that rock climbing trip that was so challenging and enjoyable, that dreamy vacation or the love you shared. Those moments count. Rest is too dry, mundane and forgettable no.

(13) Think less. Learn to shut your mind. You dont have all the answers, all the missing pieces of the puzzle and thats perfectly fine. That is how it is supposed to be in the present moment. Have faith and embrace that. You will eventually find out. Live here rather than in your head going cuckoo for cocoa puffs with assumptions.

(14) Self love. Self care. Happy, content and sharp mind inside a super fit, healthy body. Heal self so that can heal others as well. Thats my vision. Thats about it i guess...Until next year :)

- S. Chaudhary

"I" am the inspiration

An example - When i want to lose weight, my room becomes a poster factory! I LOVE to surround myself with inspiring quotes that reasonate with my beliefs, one liners that will keep me going when my will isnt that strong on a particular day, diets do's and donts and well pictures of perfect physiques. I want my goal in front of eyes, at the back of my mind at all times. Basically whenever i set any goal, be it even spiritual or financial, i surround myself with people who have the same vision, i read, study, write, constantly "literally" dream, basically start obsessing about whatever i want to achieve at that point in time, till i have achieved it. So some time back i remember Hrithik Roshan's front page picture in Bombay times showing his "Before" totally out of shape, fat, unhealthy body next to an "After" Ripped, chiselled, perfect Greek God physique. I immediately had to have that paper cutting, tucked away somewhere in my closet because even though at that time i had no intention of losing weight for some reason eventually i knew in my gut i would do in somewhere down the line. I read Ranveer Singh's interview a couple of days later, alongside pictures showing off his toned absolutely transformed physique where he said that particular fat to fit article of Hrithik is what had inspired him too to get in peak shape. As i started the poster factory, aka, putting up inspiring pictures of various physiques, i found myself sticking that saved article of Hrithik on my wall as well. No i dont aspire to have his Huge biceps, i like the spirit of it all. Everytime i look at it, that picture reminds me of the greatness a simple "human being", like you and me, is capable of. It got me thinking.

Before i make my point here's another example. I was never an early riser. Earlier in my life, my idea of morning was somewhere around 1 pm where i would struggle to get out of bed wanting just a little more sleep till eventually i would wake up directly at 4 pm. One cold winter morning i woke up at 9 am. How did this miracle happen? Well i had to go some place, an appointment perhaps but as i was still laying in bed, too lazy to get going, my mind starting racing - its so cold, the geyser is also broken, how can i bathe in cold water, the bed is so warm and inviting, my sleep isnt complete so ill be dull and tired throughout, yada, yada, let me cancel the appointment and reschedule for another day which eventually would never happen. Thats when i heard the sound of utensils being washed in the kitchen adjacent to my room. My domestic help had arrived and since my bedroom door was open i looked at her, standing there busy washing the utensils in chilled water. My first world problems seemed embarrassingly smaller and trivial when i realized that this woman, who lives in a slum, has no access to a geyser or the luxury of a decent bed, has 4 kids she tended to before coming here. And. She was pregnant too. She had recently revealed that to us and said would continue for this month atleast! That woman was still here on this freezing morning doing her job. I felt so ashamed i immediately got up and got going. But that incident has stayed with me till date. She did not speak to me. Her back was towards me the whole entire time. I never spoke to her either (though i should have thanked her but then i was a child back then.) And here is my point. Do you see how great the human spirit is? She didnt come and lecture me but just by her way of being, her showing up for her job despite the odds, was so bloody inspiring to me! Still is. If it matters, now i wake up at 5 am daily and i want to take this to 4 am. People complain that i give the examples of celebrities mostly and that its "easier" for them well because they have more help, expert help and generally being in the lap of luxury makes things easier. Agreed. But dont you think they have their struggles too? Hrithik for example underwent a brain surgery no less! Apart from his back problem that is. And at the time his marriage of over a decade was crumbling! Do you understand that sort of pressure? But he did what he had to do. And she (my maid) did what she had to. Why did i put the example of a celebrity alongside that of my maid. Because they both inspired me. And they both dont know that. No man is an island. Your actions affect a lot of people around you. Sometimes you dont even need to say, just showing up or doing something great indirectly can affect so many lives. Your immediate family. Your friend circle. Your co-workers. Your neighbourhood. And so on. I have been inspired by countless people. Sudha Chandran for example. Practising dance for long hours i would have so much pain in my knees and toes that i couldnt fall asleep at night. Bharat Natyam, as graceful as it looks can demand that much physically from you. Imagine her condition. With all that stress on just one leg! Her odds did not throw her off track. Her mighty will, her spirit overcame her mountain like obstacles. That inspired me. I found a way and would massage the sore parts with warm coconut oil before sleeping but i would be there for practise the next day, regardless. And if it matters here, i became a topper in my dance class. When i see a 60 year old Diana Nyad, with her shoulder issues and age and failed three attempts still conquering the dream swim, man conquering the sea/ nature, it inspires me so much to give my best in the swimming pool because i feel so humble and small in comparison. A part of me always says, if He/ She can do it, so can I. When a great director like a Rajkumar Hirani or a Gauri Shinde makes a great film that makes you want to think and change. When a woman like Savitri bai Phule, decides to get up and rebel, to have education rights for women as well despite being humiliated, threatened, ostracized and what not, she has touched generations! She doesnt realize the great work she has done, she has liberated generations of women, giving them something far far valuable to make them independent and live a life of dignity and informed choice and not live like a subjugated powerless animal. These educated women in turn will do their bit to make a difference to the world or at the very least ensure their own daughter gets the right to education having been educated herself. Its like a humble seed has been planted and as a result, hundreds of fruits which will give out millions of seeds and so on, a cycle much greater than yourself has begun. But again, as much as i am so thankful to others my point is to not look outside but within. You Become the change you want to see. It is good to be inpired but take that and then become an inspiration, an example yourself. Whatever it might be, maybe kindness is your forte, or discipline or business or teaching or even writing. Your drive, your character, your strength, your resilience, your skills and achievements, YOU can inspire others. Even when you are not looking to. You have a vision of what you can be, What you wish to become. What is stopping you? Why the gap between the present version and your future self? What is stopping the dream from becoming a reality? What can you do everyday to become that person more and more. Its like that phrase- If you are tired of all the shit get out of the toilet. Be the Change you want to see. And start now.
You dont even realize the immense power you hold. Get up and reclaim it.

- S. Chaudhary

Why PK is Hirani's Best work till date

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

With due respect, I am Not a Rajkumar Hirani fan. Though he is probably the only director in India (maybe even the world) who has a 100 percent success rate at the box office given none of his movies ever flopped (im guessing here) and though my folks watch 3 idiots or Munnabhai everytime it comes on tv (having seen it over 500 times already, beats me!) i am personally just not that into his movies even though i concur that technically and story telling wise he is Brilliant. Maybe its his poor choice of music or marketing but thats besides the point. The point here is - First and foremost, in a country like ours, choosing, risking and attempting to make a movie like PK where he could have easily piggybacked his previous super-success and played it safe roping in a megastar and making run of the mill cinema like his other nervous contemporaries, Hirani chose this subject. For that alone RESPECT. This man has balls, guts and spine besides obvious talent. Love it.

Now before I go on as to why i think PK is his best gem yet first let me get something off my chest. The critics. One tight slap. There i feel much better. Had i just listened or read or believed the "bad or not so great as his previous movies" reviews i would have missed out on such a great, engaging and entertaining film that will go down in the annals of history. Thanks to my quietly surging curiousity right from the brilliant eye-catching poster right uptill post release, the controversy that it generated, I was like let me check out what the bloody hype is all about! The moment PK released a string of over smart asses mis-using the power of internet instantly comparing PK with OMG. Wow!!! Just like they compared Mary Kom with Bhaag Milkha and before that Chak de. Just because there is a superb movie in a particular genre does that mean every movie for the next 10 years will be compared to that one phenomenal hit? Why it annoys me SO much? Well, i never see you getting over zealous in your criticism when the SAME bloody same to same Bollywood love stories are released Every Friday. Not a word comes out of that keyboard then huh?  And then later you complain these "shitty" undeserving movies are making 100 crores. But dare a man get up and try to make something different and of value and substance man those claws come out, you are your hypocritical best and ready to tear his work apart. Some even went to the extent of saying its Koi mil gaya meets Omg !!! Really??? Just because of the alien angle? Well you never felt like pointing out that the last movie in the rom-com genre or the one before that or the hundreds before that where boy meets girl, falls in love but cannot be together either because one of them is poor or either of the family disagrees, or one of them is engaged elsewhere or is yet not in love or insert some such obstacle that post interval and a couple of done to death masala/ item songs and slow hit romantic songs later, they are able to overcome and then be together happily ever after, The End? No? Did your sharp, wise, discerning eyes miss the ovious? Omg is about Kanji bhai's story. (Spoiler alert) PK is from an alien's perspective. Genre is the same but approach, treatment style and stories are different, so please treat them as separate individual films. Simple.

The Baap of Satire. No wait correction. A fine, superlative treasure trove of hitting the nail right on the head. Not politely/ indirectly skirting around the issue or beating around the bush but looking you in the eye, questioning your very firmly held precious beliefs, challenging you to not just absent mindedly watch a masala movie but "use your OWN brain" and question your entire existence, your life, question the workings of your mind and the prejudices and biases it guards so fiercely simply because it is convenient and feels safe. What do you believe and most importantly WHY do you believe it - Some very risky, daring and formidable questions that this movie raises in the sub-conscious. Your philosophy  till date and where will you go from hereon after this movie has made its point and is long over and you walk out of the dark theater into your regular life? Are you a changed person, and for the better? Are you still holding onto the obsolete and redundant or attempting a fresh perspective. That is what this movie does to you. That is the effect it has. That is where it has surpassed the parameter of just being a mere tool of entertainment to graduating into a powerful tool for transformation, both individually and collectively as a society. Out of hundreds of movies made each year, how many manage to achieve THAT? Probably even Hirani is not aware of the great service he has done to all of us and the feat he has achieved by simply making this movie and sharing his vision. Thank you sir.

Where do I begin? First 2 minutes into the movie, convincing you aliens exist. There. Boom. And just like that you are sucked into this make-believe fantasy world by merely sharing a scientific fact so that your mind is put to rest and mid-way or anywhere throughout the movie doesnt raise the question, but hey do aliens really exist??!! Trust me it can take hours to sell that point and still not be able to fully convince you what he did in a matter of minutes. Your "typical hindi film hero" who speaks only Bhojpuri throughout the movie and eats paan and happens to be an alien! How. cool. is. that!! You know, the glaring anomalies in tradition, culture and society, for Hirani to point that out he would have needed an outsider, say a foreigner or firang because well they are not aware of what is acceptable and unacceptable in our culture just like we would be ignorant to theirs (unless ofcourse we googled it.) But that would have been controversial or tricky too - "Western culture is different from ours or is poisoning or destroying our culture which is obviously richer than theirs." So he went a step ahead and brought in a "real" outsider who happened to be out of this world literally! A real "foreigner" An alien. Alien to our way of life and thinking. Now to his objective, detached, third person point of view everything seemed bizzare, often contradictory so he shocked, riled and provoked the fury of the bigots by innocently questioning the validity or even by simply following the social norm or "protocol." I found myself raising my eyebrows at Hirani's guts to depict and laughing loudly at the obvious humor in the scenes. Poor thing being chased around, assumed delusional or drunk. All the while, side by side smartly highlighting the differences in perceptions. Smart. I also liked the, how i like to call "jugadu" alien when he learns how to obtain food and "taking" clothes from frisky travellers. Again the Brilliant hard-hitting satire about the importance and "value" of a picture in a currency vis-a-vis a book carrying the same picture. Or how a picture becomes a tool of "self defense" from the very same extremists now having realized he has bright chances of being chased or beaten because of his ignorance and innocence. What a chaloo alien! Also committing petty crimes for self sustenance, using prison as lodging and boarding, free food and stay (at the cost of hard-working tax payers money!) - very very smart. Or in the end where he instructs other aliens about the strange ways of our strange planet where love-making should be hidden and is a taboo but you can be openly violent and everyone can watch, no shame in that! Hirani - I love you.

Innocent but not dumb. He understands the "goodness" of the heroine and therefore agrees to help her. Goodness or "humanity" as we like to call it are such universal concepts that even aliens who may not understand language understand the difference between right and wrong. Touching on so many topics like you dont need to communicate with God via an agent. You have and develop your intensely personal and direct relation. Explaining this complex yet simple thought via a concept of "wrong number." Genius! Showing how religion is now being used as a tool to exploit the gullible and run businesses by instilling "fear" instead of love. Comparing the hardworking tea vendor's earnings, raw materials and cost of production to simply using a stained stone in a thriving environment, the cost to profit ratio explained in the name of fear - I am running short of adjectives here so again, Brilliant! Destroying the very credibility and existence of "differences" we create in our minds by searching for stamps on a baby's bottom, did God stamp and send you or did you assume an affiliation to a particular sect/group after coming here on the planet? Clever! Boundaries related not just to religious differences but even borders and how we have stopped looking at one another as just human beings but through many labels and coloured myopic glasses of race, religion, nationality, etc. etc. And just when i thought this is it, he couldnt get any better, Hirani hits me with his brilliance again. Up until this point the movie is all fun and frolic as the alien is still a detached observer but he goes ahead and makes the struggle personal for him, and therefore alongwith him for the audience as well. By shockingly killing the alien's only best friend here on the planet in a terrorist attack. It baffles the alien and us, the audience that when did religion that teaches non-violence, respect for all life forms and most importantly tolerance become the most powerful medium to cause differences and violence. The direct dialogue - The One who runs forget just your tiny planet but this entire Universe and many such universes doesn't need you to go to battle to "protect" Him or His name - At this point i wanted to get up, whistle, applaud and throw coins at the screen out of awe and respect for Hirani. And finally uniting the heroine with her true love, sacrificing his own affections, coming here and leaving this planet better than what state he found it in was what he gave us and what did we give him in return? We taught him how to lie - Master stroke!

Hirani as a film-maker has given us not just entertaining movies but "powerful" concepts that stay with us and have become a regular in popular culture and everyday parlance like "Jadoo ki Jhappi" honey catches more flies than vinegar, "Aal is well" may not solve the problem but will give the strength and hope to search for a solution, try "Gandhi-giri" instead of Dada-giri and now "Wrong number" where you dont need an agent to reach God. He is the pride of our nation and the film fraternity. A rare gem, who can accomplish  the super tough Herculean feat of making an entertaining film without preaching or boring but using simple ideas that become so popular because they can reach and touch the uneducated masses as well as the "intelligent" movie viewers. He has that Midas touch. He is gifted, a genius of our times. And for that alone i want to give him a jadoo ki puppy. Salute!

- S. Chaudhary

Talk

When i am not having conversations "with" you, i am having conversations "about" you. In my head. And given the limitless landscape of the mind, there can exist contradictory perspectives, co-existing even without my awareness. And just how a tiny flame, an innocent friction between two branches can hungrily engulf the entire forest, these opposing voices can grow stronger and stronger and consume the entire relation. Nip it in the bud. Uproot the toxic weeds. Talk to me. From the depths of your heart and soul. And i will know.

- S. Chaudhary

Closure

Yes the relation is dead. Maybe the feelings are dead too. But lets give it a proper burial, a final honor, a graceful exit. Cause though the very real moments we once shared (and what is life but a series of memorable moments) , the magic of touch, the power of actions, the inspiring kind words we once spoke to each other are all but memories now of a distant past. Things that were so real just a short while ago we can catch hold off and relive only in our minds. And because we meant so much to each other once, because we transformed each other in some way, the respect, the fondness, the adoration that blossomed genuinely in our hearts once, needs closure. Let it be a final long embrace, a tight handshake, a lasting stare, whatever it takes, whatever will suffice to say what words might not do justice to. To thank. To end. To let go. To move on. A bitter sweet experience.

- S. Chaudhary

Jump off. Because i love you

Let it go. Let it All go. She said. At the risk of sounding disgustingly insensitive although she was totally in tune and hurting alongwith his hurt. He said - I wear these scars as proud badges, to remind me of what i survived, of how cruel people can be and how unfair this world is. That there is no God. That devil exists and his greatest trick was to make us believe he didnt exist. You are stripping me of my glory. I will be naked and vulnerable without these. You are asking me to give up what defined me, what shaped and moulded me the way i have become today. You are asking me to let go off the ground beneath my feet. My whole existence. The only way i have learnt of relating. And she said. Well i am asking you to jump so that you can learn to fly. Yes these painful experiences have defined you...till now...they dont need to define you all your life. Every morning the sun rises and its like a blank fresh page being handed to you to write your story, your destiny no matter how awful was your past, even as recent as yesterday. Its like an unlimited second chance to start over, again and again. Grab it. You have lived your life a particular way why not try a new perspective for once? If you dont like it discard and return to the past ways of relating, you always have that freedom but atleast honestly try once. Yes you will be totally naked because you could take cover under the umbrella of your past and all your misdeeds could be justified, yes you could shirk responsibility by always blaming your past and i am taking away that comfort, that crutch from you. Its only when you release all that, its only when you scream hysterically and  bawl like a little baby, its only when you are completely bitter spouting venom and negativity and hatred and grudges and resentment, its only when you acknowledge all of that instead of run away from it all your life, its only when you truly get down and stand in the stinking murky gutter to clean it, will you be truly liberated and able to enjoy life and live to your true potential that i know is great and enormous. And i will be with you all along, throughout this process, kissing and holding you tight, comforting you when you venture into unfamiliar, uncomfortable ground. For once trust me. Jump. Because i love you.

- S. Chaudhary

Why we need Romance

I am reminded of this quote i agree with - "Blessed are the weird people. Poets, misfits, writers, mystics, painters and troubadours. For they teach us to see the world through different eyes." I think its by Jacob Noeby. I couldnt agree more. See if you look at your beloved, its just a skeleton with hollow eye sockets and big rib cage with layers of blood, guts, flesh and other things that make up the anatomy held in place tightly by the skin that sheds everyday. And if i were to start telling you the disgusting facts about the human body and what it does as a living breathing entity, am sure not everyone would be interested in the "gross" but well real details. Thats where rose tinted glasses come in. And Thank God for that. Thank God for imagination, fantasy and creativity. Love songs are written praising the beauty of the beloved. Describing the intensity of their eyes or the sensuousness of the mouth, the softness of the skin, the flawlessness in the shape and so on and so forth. And its not limited to the physical realm. The acts of kindness and grace. The very qualities that make us human. Seeing beauty in the ordinary. Creating special out of mundane. Seeing things what others dont see and from a skewed perspective. Adding beauty and depth to life without which it would be very dry and without meaning. We all need a touch of romance. In everything. In every day living. Yes the brain is hard wired to read only cold hard objective facts but put on those rose tinted glasses and see the magic. After all, you live life through perspective. Let it be a sweet one.

- S. Chaudhary