Pre-requisite : Please read my blog if you think you possess an open, progressive, "thinking" mind. Idiots, bigots, MCP's, regressive cave men/ women i will not bother reacting/ responding to. Thank you.
About a year back, there was a bit of a hullaballo when Madonna stripped of her bustier and showed off her nipples n ass cheeks to a large crowd in, I guess 2 of her world tour concerts. Why was it such of a shocker? Jon bon jovi, Jay Park, Justin Beiber, Ricky Martin, Iggy Pop, Usher and other male rockstars even our desi hero Salman khan and countless other male actors rip off their shirts and all i hear is fans drooling over their toned body so why so much flak when a well maintained 50 plus female artist does it? I will refrain from commenting on the aesthetics and talent and the topic of nudity cause that will be personal tastes and also mean digressing to another topic so lets stick to the point in this blog. Why different sets of rule for men and women? As i was curious to read all the public reactions on various sites i unintentionally searched deeply into this incident and stumbled upon an unfortunate discovery. One of the links informed me that way back in 2003 I guess, Janet Jackson had suffered a wardrobe malfunction at the Super Bowl, for which not only did she have to issue a public apology (as family audience and kids might have seen the show, here let me add a personal view, if at all kids are closest to breasts what with it being introduced into their life the very first day as a means to feed them and keep them alive, nothing to be ashamed of!) and clear the names of the corporates backing her to have to do anything with this incident/ accident, unexpected but also lost out on several contracts. The most unfortunate part however was that not only did no one from the music industry come to speak in her support, i read that Madonna was one of the first one to criticize her unfortunate incident and say one doesn't need to show nipples to be interesting! Volte face. Such a hypocrisy! Then why support any empathy at all from industry and audiences alike for your intentional and purposely done act of stripping? How is an accident worse than intentionally stripping to titillate a live audience? It just re-affirmed my sad belief - A woman and not a man is another woman's worst enemy!
Another set of reactions I read was that Madonna should "behave" her age and age more gracefully rather than resort to cheap gimmicks to hold onto her career. You see, that shows the deep discrepancy present even in the work environment and not just home. Hardly any noise is made when balding, slouching 50 even 60 year old Hindi film heroes are romancing girls qualified to be their grand daughters! But when a woman does it, it is immediately bought to attention that she should act her age and by the way what does it mean to act ones age and who decides it? Sorry but Madonna is way much more toned and well maintained than most 50 year old women who have given up on life thanks to trying to "behave" their age! If she can entertain the world right up to God willing 100 years of age then whats your problem? Dont like it? Change the channel, dont pass stupid remarks and diktats that a woman ought to behave her age! You don't decide it, the individual conducts his or her life as per free will, given to him or her by no human or government or society, but by the Almighty God Himself or nature.
Ok, to be fair, I admit men and women have different bodies and bodily functions and if you give me a scientific, sensible and relevant reason as to why women must/ can do few things that men cannot or vice versa. Starting with nudity itself, if breasts were covered and protected or for that matter generally clothes go back to the origin of it. Why? Well, to protect against cold, insects, dust and other environmental and also for ornamental factors. Why then is it a basis of character assassination or judgement of a woman being cheap or indecent and why not go by the natural barometer of values, virtues, nature and attitude in deciding and assessing the character of a person? And if so then why not apply the same to men? I know of female friends who have been married and told to "stop" wearing indecent western clothes and jeans and stick to Indian traditional dresses. Who are you to dictate the choices, life style of a person? How do you think you got that right over another person? But my real anger is directed at these women who accept and submit to these crazy and subjugating requests and whims just to please the in-laws and become a part of the family. When she can be considerate and sacrificing for her entire family cant the family shed their regressive ideas and do the same for her happiness? And if she is required to change her dress sense why not apply the same rules to men then? How come they don't tell the husbands and sons, okay no western outfits for you too, from tomorrow go to office in dhoti instead of formals. I would like to see that. Not just that, I have always noticed being told by friends or even relatives when describing a new female friend or acquaintance - they say " well she is pretty modern and you know what, she smokes cigarette!" Well smoking cigarette might give you cancer irrespective you are a male or female and i don't condone this risky habit but it has never been a point worth mentioning if your new guy friend has been smoking cause well, its a given men can smoke an d get away with it. His character is never judged on the basis of his being a smoker or non-smoker. But women? And then the expression of mocking and disapproval on their faces as they go about assuming her character without getting to know her as a person. And women largely participate in this activity. That is a sad reality.
My request to women and public in general is to question and not blindly believe. What is the source of their belief system and information and values created on the basis of that? If a few thinking men and women (God bless their souls) had not taken the bold progressive initiative back in history to educate and empower women, people would have stuck to the belief system of why educate the girl child? It hasn't happened even at the time of our ancestors why the change now? It has always been, a time worn tradition that men earn the livelihood and women are child bearing machines that should be confined to the kitchen walls and household. Why educate her, she doesn't have to go out in the world to earn so why teach her if she is destined to spend the rest of her life in the kitchen? I am so glad a few people dared change that thought process, challenged and changed attitudes and became trendsetters and give women equal opportunities as equal human beings. Else i too would have been born someplace, denied the right to education, opinion and voice, mother to a dozenkids with no opportunity to dream, aspire, have ambition and live life to my fullest truest potential. What a waste!
Speaking of the cultural environment and attitudes around us, i begin to question the reason behind it. I remember watching an interview of author Devdutt Pattanaik about his book Sita and he mentioned that so many folklores and mythological tales that depict women as strong, dominant and equal or even powerful than their male counterparts have either never been retold and popularized in fact lost in the sand s of time. He mentioned that everyone knows the story of the character of Ram slaying a 10 head demon Ravan but few know the story when Sita had assumed one of her avataars and slayed a demon with 100 heads! Why
don't we know of this? And many such other stories, some of which i am afraid have been lost forever. Was it the vested interests of those times to show and retain the stature of men and an effort to keep women an inferior class through ignorance? Even original texts have been tampered an (mis)interpreted where women are assigned duties and roles that indirectly encourage and sustain their inferior, mortified state. It saddens me, when not only such information is with held or tampered with and presented to the people but that people themselves never apply their mental faculties to inquire, search and verify and then accept.
I have touched upon the topics of nudity, vices and age old redundant ways of society. Now i move onto my favorite topic of sexuality. But i would discuss in two parts. Firstly- It a long road before women are free to express and celebrate their sexuality. Like men we are highly sexual beings too, but the fact that it has become something to be hidden and ashamed of is stripping us of a very basic power. The power to procreate, give life or simply a casual leisure activity approach. Again insinuations are made about a sexually liberated and assertive woman. Women, i don't know out of jealousy or insecurity partake in such gossip, mocking and defamation as well and that's the sad part, again. This subject of sexual liberation, expression and assertion is like a huge, colossal destructive weapon in the arms cache of regressive people who try to "morally" justify their restrictions and why they have a right above women to decide what is right and wrong, whats appropriate and inappropriate and women have to comply and follow like mute cattle. Herd mentality keeps the dynamics intact, power stays with men as always. And God forbid a women decides she loves dressing sexy, you are "inviting rape"!! Or if you walk at night in desolate locations you are inviting the crime. Just like you wear jewellery you are inviting robbery, you are driving a car you are inviting it will be stolen, you are eating vada pav in public don't complain if a robber steals it from your hand! Why does woman have to bear the burden of the crime, at all! It is a crime and the criminal alone is responsible for it. How stupid is this mentality. It is a crime against women, its the perpetrator who needs to be punished and change his mentality and NOT the woman! Isn't it plain obvious?
And now the other side of this coin - Its a double edged sword. I have heard stories of men actualy using this to psychologically manipulate women by saying- You need to sexually liberate yourself! Its like unless they dont they are not liberated? Can't education and wisdom, successful and fulfilling career and family life also be liberating and empowering? No doubt sexuality is also liberating but that is not the "only" barometer or tool. The reason i speak of this is because a lot of women with conservative upbringing or even their own independent volition feel the peer pressure to experiment sexually even though they are either mentally, emotionally or physically ready for it. And that should only be the reason for exploring the are of sexuality. When you are comfortable and you want it. And not because of peer presssure. Women often feel left out and that they belong to some weird extinct supposedly pity worthy breed of virgins who are awaiting their liberation. So if you express and experience it you are doomed and if you dont, you are still doomed! The latest contagious urban trend.
Utilize the gift of questioning and free thinking instead of blindly following. Yes we have come a long way from young widows performing sati and women denied education but we still have a long long long way to go. Dowry harassment and deaths, female infanticide, rape, women not allowed to work after marriage or refrain from working at call centres and airlines and such jobs that have odd timings, moral policing on our dress, our choices and lifestyle and most importantly equality in remuneration and financial empowerment cause money is an important tool (money is power and you need that power as well if you wish to change the trends) and so on. My heart reaches out to a large section of rural women who are ignorant about their own rights and freedom. Having brought up a certain way and denied the opportunity to learn, educate, question their belief system their world and reality has become limited to what they see and they are allowed to see very little. So blindly they comply and implement the old redundant discriminating rules, often defending them without realizing that they too have the right to be an equal individual. As for ther women, they feel a lot is at stake. Giving away a few freedoms will buy them, as a barter, a secure and luxurious life offered on a platter by the male in their families. Because standing up for your rights may even give rise to many challenges. Empowerment, liberation and financial equality and security come at a price. That price could be starting on your own from the scratch and stepping out of your comfort zone into un-ventured territories. Success is not guaranteed and one may encounter a risky difficuilt journey ahead in all spheres.
Do not mistake me for a bra burning feminist. In fact I don't even consider myself a feminist. I believe in equality. But I will obviously point out the elephant in the room and question why is a certain class is being treated as a weaker and vulnerable section. We live in a Man's world with man's rules. But can't you see we have to get rid of this hopelessly sexist and unfair way of being. The thinking has to change, the upbringing has to change, the old attitudes have to change. I wonder if it will happen in my life time. Gender, caste, color, sexual orientation, religion, region and race are no grounds for discrimination for me, and they should never be. So i wouldnt want to change a mans world into a womans world. I would want a world of equality, where men and women are equally treated n cherished, neither inferior nor superior but as equals and the only barometer that remains would be, may the BEST man or woman win. Simple. Where women aren't women's worst enemy but best friend and a source of strength. Where mothers (and fathers) bring up their sons to respect women and vice versa. Where chivalry is his choice, fully knowing that the lady has arms to pull her own chair or open her own door but as an act of respect and as a good human being you do it for her, not because she cant do it herself. I want the change at the thought level. Cause that will ultimately reflect in attitude and collective attitudes called culture.
- S. Chaudhary
- Pictures Courtesy : Google Images
About a year back, there was a bit of a hullaballo when Madonna stripped of her bustier and showed off her nipples n ass cheeks to a large crowd in, I guess 2 of her world tour concerts. Why was it such of a shocker? Jon bon jovi, Jay Park, Justin Beiber, Ricky Martin, Iggy Pop, Usher and other male rockstars even our desi hero Salman khan and countless other male actors rip off their shirts and all i hear is fans drooling over their toned body so why so much flak when a well maintained 50 plus female artist does it? I will refrain from commenting on the aesthetics and talent and the topic of nudity cause that will be personal tastes and also mean digressing to another topic so lets stick to the point in this blog. Why different sets of rule for men and women? As i was curious to read all the public reactions on various sites i unintentionally searched deeply into this incident and stumbled upon an unfortunate discovery. One of the links informed me that way back in 2003 I guess, Janet Jackson had suffered a wardrobe malfunction at the Super Bowl, for which not only did she have to issue a public apology (as family audience and kids might have seen the show, here let me add a personal view, if at all kids are closest to breasts what with it being introduced into their life the very first day as a means to feed them and keep them alive, nothing to be ashamed of!) and clear the names of the corporates backing her to have to do anything with this incident/ accident, unexpected but also lost out on several contracts. The most unfortunate part however was that not only did no one from the music industry come to speak in her support, i read that Madonna was one of the first one to criticize her unfortunate incident and say one doesn't need to show nipples to be interesting! Volte face. Such a hypocrisy! Then why support any empathy at all from industry and audiences alike for your intentional and purposely done act of stripping? How is an accident worse than intentionally stripping to titillate a live audience? It just re-affirmed my sad belief - A woman and not a man is another woman's worst enemy!
Another set of reactions I read was that Madonna should "behave" her age and age more gracefully rather than resort to cheap gimmicks to hold onto her career. You see, that shows the deep discrepancy present even in the work environment and not just home. Hardly any noise is made when balding, slouching 50 even 60 year old Hindi film heroes are romancing girls qualified to be their grand daughters! But when a woman does it, it is immediately bought to attention that she should act her age and by the way what does it mean to act ones age and who decides it? Sorry but Madonna is way much more toned and well maintained than most 50 year old women who have given up on life thanks to trying to "behave" their age! If she can entertain the world right up to God willing 100 years of age then whats your problem? Dont like it? Change the channel, dont pass stupid remarks and diktats that a woman ought to behave her age! You don't decide it, the individual conducts his or her life as per free will, given to him or her by no human or government or society, but by the Almighty God Himself or nature.
Ok, to be fair, I admit men and women have different bodies and bodily functions and if you give me a scientific, sensible and relevant reason as to why women must/ can do few things that men cannot or vice versa. Starting with nudity itself, if breasts were covered and protected or for that matter generally clothes go back to the origin of it. Why? Well, to protect against cold, insects, dust and other environmental and also for ornamental factors. Why then is it a basis of character assassination or judgement of a woman being cheap or indecent and why not go by the natural barometer of values, virtues, nature and attitude in deciding and assessing the character of a person? And if so then why not apply the same to men? I know of female friends who have been married and told to "stop" wearing indecent western clothes and jeans and stick to Indian traditional dresses. Who are you to dictate the choices, life style of a person? How do you think you got that right over another person? But my real anger is directed at these women who accept and submit to these crazy and subjugating requests and whims just to please the in-laws and become a part of the family. When she can be considerate and sacrificing for her entire family cant the family shed their regressive ideas and do the same for her happiness? And if she is required to change her dress sense why not apply the same rules to men then? How come they don't tell the husbands and sons, okay no western outfits for you too, from tomorrow go to office in dhoti instead of formals. I would like to see that. Not just that, I have always noticed being told by friends or even relatives when describing a new female friend or acquaintance - they say " well she is pretty modern and you know what, she smokes cigarette!" Well smoking cigarette might give you cancer irrespective you are a male or female and i don't condone this risky habit but it has never been a point worth mentioning if your new guy friend has been smoking cause well, its a given men can smoke an d get away with it. His character is never judged on the basis of his being a smoker or non-smoker. But women? And then the expression of mocking and disapproval on their faces as they go about assuming her character without getting to know her as a person. And women largely participate in this activity. That is a sad reality.
My request to women and public in general is to question and not blindly believe. What is the source of their belief system and information and values created on the basis of that? If a few thinking men and women (God bless their souls) had not taken the bold progressive initiative back in history to educate and empower women, people would have stuck to the belief system of why educate the girl child? It hasn't happened even at the time of our ancestors why the change now? It has always been, a time worn tradition that men earn the livelihood and women are child bearing machines that should be confined to the kitchen walls and household. Why educate her, she doesn't have to go out in the world to earn so why teach her if she is destined to spend the rest of her life in the kitchen? I am so glad a few people dared change that thought process, challenged and changed attitudes and became trendsetters and give women equal opportunities as equal human beings. Else i too would have been born someplace, denied the right to education, opinion and voice, mother to a dozenkids with no opportunity to dream, aspire, have ambition and live life to my fullest truest potential. What a waste!
Speaking of the cultural environment and attitudes around us, i begin to question the reason behind it. I remember watching an interview of author Devdutt Pattanaik about his book Sita and he mentioned that so many folklores and mythological tales that depict women as strong, dominant and equal or even powerful than their male counterparts have either never been retold and popularized in fact lost in the sand s of time. He mentioned that everyone knows the story of the character of Ram slaying a 10 head demon Ravan but few know the story when Sita had assumed one of her avataars and slayed a demon with 100 heads! Why
don't we know of this? And many such other stories, some of which i am afraid have been lost forever. Was it the vested interests of those times to show and retain the stature of men and an effort to keep women an inferior class through ignorance? Even original texts have been tampered an (mis)interpreted where women are assigned duties and roles that indirectly encourage and sustain their inferior, mortified state. It saddens me, when not only such information is with held or tampered with and presented to the people but that people themselves never apply their mental faculties to inquire, search and verify and then accept.
I have touched upon the topics of nudity, vices and age old redundant ways of society. Now i move onto my favorite topic of sexuality. But i would discuss in two parts. Firstly- It a long road before women are free to express and celebrate their sexuality. Like men we are highly sexual beings too, but the fact that it has become something to be hidden and ashamed of is stripping us of a very basic power. The power to procreate, give life or simply a casual leisure activity approach. Again insinuations are made about a sexually liberated and assertive woman. Women, i don't know out of jealousy or insecurity partake in such gossip, mocking and defamation as well and that's the sad part, again. This subject of sexual liberation, expression and assertion is like a huge, colossal destructive weapon in the arms cache of regressive people who try to "morally" justify their restrictions and why they have a right above women to decide what is right and wrong, whats appropriate and inappropriate and women have to comply and follow like mute cattle. Herd mentality keeps the dynamics intact, power stays with men as always. And God forbid a women decides she loves dressing sexy, you are "inviting rape"!! Or if you walk at night in desolate locations you are inviting the crime. Just like you wear jewellery you are inviting robbery, you are driving a car you are inviting it will be stolen, you are eating vada pav in public don't complain if a robber steals it from your hand! Why does woman have to bear the burden of the crime, at all! It is a crime and the criminal alone is responsible for it. How stupid is this mentality. It is a crime against women, its the perpetrator who needs to be punished and change his mentality and NOT the woman! Isn't it plain obvious?
And now the other side of this coin - Its a double edged sword. I have heard stories of men actualy using this to psychologically manipulate women by saying- You need to sexually liberate yourself! Its like unless they dont they are not liberated? Can't education and wisdom, successful and fulfilling career and family life also be liberating and empowering? No doubt sexuality is also liberating but that is not the "only" barometer or tool. The reason i speak of this is because a lot of women with conservative upbringing or even their own independent volition feel the peer pressure to experiment sexually even though they are either mentally, emotionally or physically ready for it. And that should only be the reason for exploring the are of sexuality. When you are comfortable and you want it. And not because of peer presssure. Women often feel left out and that they belong to some weird extinct supposedly pity worthy breed of virgins who are awaiting their liberation. So if you express and experience it you are doomed and if you dont, you are still doomed! The latest contagious urban trend.
Utilize the gift of questioning and free thinking instead of blindly following. Yes we have come a long way from young widows performing sati and women denied education but we still have a long long long way to go. Dowry harassment and deaths, female infanticide, rape, women not allowed to work after marriage or refrain from working at call centres and airlines and such jobs that have odd timings, moral policing on our dress, our choices and lifestyle and most importantly equality in remuneration and financial empowerment cause money is an important tool (money is power and you need that power as well if you wish to change the trends) and so on. My heart reaches out to a large section of rural women who are ignorant about their own rights and freedom. Having brought up a certain way and denied the opportunity to learn, educate, question their belief system their world and reality has become limited to what they see and they are allowed to see very little. So blindly they comply and implement the old redundant discriminating rules, often defending them without realizing that they too have the right to be an equal individual. As for ther women, they feel a lot is at stake. Giving away a few freedoms will buy them, as a barter, a secure and luxurious life offered on a platter by the male in their families. Because standing up for your rights may even give rise to many challenges. Empowerment, liberation and financial equality and security come at a price. That price could be starting on your own from the scratch and stepping out of your comfort zone into un-ventured territories. Success is not guaranteed and one may encounter a risky difficuilt journey ahead in all spheres.
Do not mistake me for a bra burning feminist. In fact I don't even consider myself a feminist. I believe in equality. But I will obviously point out the elephant in the room and question why is a certain class is being treated as a weaker and vulnerable section. We live in a Man's world with man's rules. But can't you see we have to get rid of this hopelessly sexist and unfair way of being. The thinking has to change, the upbringing has to change, the old attitudes have to change. I wonder if it will happen in my life time. Gender, caste, color, sexual orientation, religion, region and race are no grounds for discrimination for me, and they should never be. So i wouldnt want to change a mans world into a womans world. I would want a world of equality, where men and women are equally treated n cherished, neither inferior nor superior but as equals and the only barometer that remains would be, may the BEST man or woman win. Simple. Where women aren't women's worst enemy but best friend and a source of strength. Where mothers (and fathers) bring up their sons to respect women and vice versa. Where chivalry is his choice, fully knowing that the lady has arms to pull her own chair or open her own door but as an act of respect and as a good human being you do it for her, not because she cant do it herself. I want the change at the thought level. Cause that will ultimately reflect in attitude and collective attitudes called culture.
- S. Chaudhary
- Pictures Courtesy : Google Images
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